Enough...

The surprising Side-Effect of Failure…

Today's popular messaging declares that we are enough! One can only be on social media for a short time until they find a post, reminding us that who we are is enough just as we are and that we do not need to change. I get it!  People are tired and worn out from trying to prove themselves.  Isn’t a message telling them they are enough, just what they need?  

In part, I agree. But enough for what?  Enough as a friend, co-worker, or spouse?  Enough to build the life I want?  Enough to live the life of my dreams? 

My personal story has taught me that simply declaring the sufficiency of who we are does little to quiet the nagging feeling in the pit of our stomach that we are not!   Maybe it’s not “enough” to simply tell people they are enough.  If it’s true, there must be something deeper that we are missing.

Someone said that when we can live balancing two paradoxical truths, we begin to know spiritual wisdom and maturity. I do believe that who we are is enough. Still, at the same time, I have personally experienced a significant failure in my life spiritually, emotionally, and physically due to my not being enough. How can this be?  The answer is found in identity.  We must answer the question of “Who am I? 

We all come into this world and ask, “Who am I’ to some degree. Unfortunately, most of us ask the wrong people about it. We ask our parents, our teachers, and our friends. We even ask those who bully us or are our enemies! In short, we take our “question” to our world and ask who we are!  What answer does the world give us? Who does it tell us we are? 

As a child, I had a dream. For as long as I can remember, I said when I grow up, I’m moving to the mountains of New York and building a resort! As adults, we find it cute when little children declare these big, lofty things they will do when they grow up!  We know the day will come when they discover a more realistic picture and move on. But as children, we entertain them. 

As I grew up, my world answered my question by telling me that I was odd and different from most people and not all that lovable.  It told me that my dream wasn’t realistic and beyond my reach, and I needed to fit society's expectations to succeed.  Therefore, I did what I believe most of us do.  I created a new version of me that I hoped would be more lovable and who people wanted me to be.   I left my dream behind.  I created… a false self!

I don’t think my story is that unusual. It's been said that if you don’t know who you are, the world will tell you! Most of us have been given an identity by default rather than finding our true selves.  We spend most of our lives striving to succeed and prove we are enough. Society's infrastructure of education, careers, the corporate ladder, etc., are all our attempts to ensure that the self-made versions of us do well in life.  Yet the irony is that the more successful our false self is, the harder we must work to sustain and prove it!

For quite a while, it was working! I went to college, and I met a girl. She said yes, I got the job. We started a family, and we got a minivan!  Yeah, I was well on my way!  Then, in my early 30s, it all fell apart. The version of me that I’d built to replace what I believed to be the inferior me could no longer sustain the weight of living. I entered the darkest time of my life.

You could have never convinced me at the time, but the greatest gift I was ever given was the day my false self was crushed!  Gradually, as the dust of the destruction cleared, something else came into view.  Something that had been there all along but I had missed.  

Until we experience the failure of our false self due to it not being enough, we will never discover the joy of knowing everything we have been striving to become; our true self already is! 

Imagine getting to know yourself and finding everything you’ve ever wanted to be; you already are! This is the good news we have been searching for.  The surprising side effect of failure is the clearing away what has been blocking us from seeing our true selves that has been there all along.

I’m grateful that not only am I getting to know the true me, but I am also living my childhood dream!  Yes, the one my world told me was unrealistic and beyond my reach.  I’ve realized that the key to living that meaningful life of happiness and fulfillment we all crave is found where the true us and the reason we are alive intertwine.  Both are essential, but one without the other is not complete. The good news is there are trail markers in life that lead to this place of destiny.  But that is a journey of discovery I’ll save for another day. 

That brings us back to where we started.  Are we enough?  If you're still living from the identity given to you by your world, then as kindly and gently as possible, I must tell you, no.  Your false self never was and never will be enough. 

If you are among those who are tired and worn out from embracing society's success plan.  If all your hard work attempting to build a successful life is crumbling.  If you’re facing an overwhelming fear of not being enough, take heart!  I have good news! 

Your “failure” is an invitation to turn away from the self you created because you believed you were not enough and to embrace the self within that has always known you were! 

Do this, and you are well on your way to the discovery of the you that has been, is now, and always will be… Enough!

Blessings!

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