The Desire Paradox

The Secret Pathway to a Life of Happiness and Fulfillment

Desire is often either held on a pedestal, wrongly worshiped, or thrown out on the scrap pile of disregarded useless things.  Yet, without desire, we will never truly experience our true selves and why we are alive.

Anyone who knows me at all is aware of my love for snow. As a little guy living in southeastern Pennsylvania, when it snowed, I just felt alive inside. However, living near the Harrisburg area was also a source of frustration. The area is a boundary often between snow and rain. Just to the northwest lies the Indian Gap range, often serving as a dividing line of temperature. I lived on the southeast side of what I called growing up on the “slop line.” Countless times, I watched my promising snowstorm suddenly mix and change to sleet, freezing rain, and then to all rain.  Anything but snow during the winter season was just not acceptable to me.

I recall one February day when I was in grade school, exiting the school building at the end of the day to a blue sky and 70°!  I was in pure misery. I recall my friend who said he was a snow lover, declaring how gorgeous it was. I was furious with him. How dare he call himself a snow lover and enjoy summer weather when it should be snowing!

Today, I live in the Adirondack mountains of New York, where we enjoy about two months more of winter than in the Harrisburg area. Although these mountains are always gorgeous, I must confess I favor their snow-covered version!

The last couple of winters here in the Adirondacks have not been among our best when it comes to snow. Early winter has often seen too much rain, and the big snows come late in the season.  I have matured a bit from my childhood days and learned how to deal with my disappointment considerably more healthily… at least, I hope so. In a recent early morning journaling session, as I looked out to the thin covering of snow, a profound, simple truth created a significant moment of clarity.

My Destiny Mantra is…  “Our hearts naturally desire that which unlocks our unique design, empowers our dreams, and fulfills our destiny”!  Desire is a powerful thing. But it is also, in my observation, one of the most misinterpreted and misused stuff in the human experience.  

Desire is either held on a pedestal, wrongly worshiped, or thrown out on the scrap pile of disregarded useless things.  Yet, without desire, we will never truly experience our true selves and why we are alive.

Most people handle desire in one or two ways. Firstly, desire is believed to be the source of happiness and fulfillment, specifically fulfilled desire. In other words, if we can attain or fulfill what we desire, it will equal happiness and fulfillment. The second way is close to the opposite. Desire is thought to be a dangerous thing that will lead to a life of bad choices and often addiction. This approach usually comes out of a story where there has been substance abuse or other addictive behaviors.

I would like to offer a third approach. First, we need to define desire. I see desire as an energy, a drawing toward something. Often, we use the words want and desire interchangeably as if they are the same thing. I see wanting as the result of desire, not as desire itself. In other words, a cause and effect.

We all have seen people who deeply desire something only to experience an emptiness after achieving it. We have also witnessed people literally shut the door on any intended good entering their lives due to their fear of desire.  So what are we to do with desire?

The first step in understanding desire is recognizing that it answers a question. That question is, “What makes me come alive inside?” Anytime we experience a sense of awakening of that aliveness within, we can be sure that we are encountering the work of desire. It tells us what we love.   It’s important to understand that desire does not provide happiness and fulfillment. Rather, it serves as a “Trail Marker” on the journey of awakening that which leads us to joy.

I experienced this full circle as I sat there the other morning, with my journal looking out the window. I realized that my love for snow is part of a deeper love: my love for nature. If I had realized that 70° February day, a deeper understanding of desire, I would’ve understood that, although yes, I would prefer snow in February. The truth is, I love 70° bluebird sky days!  If I had allowed it to, it would have awakened within me a part of my true self and filled me with joy! 

Desire was never meant to be the pathway to a life of happiness and fulfillment!  Rather, it is intended to awaken the heart of our true selves, revealing a pathway that leads to discovering who we truly are and why we are alive!

Every day, desire calls to us, inviting us to experience its awakening power. What have you done with it in the past?  Maybe you have been disappointed as many in its ability to bring about that happiness and fulfillment you long for. You may have witnessed its misuse and are afraid to allow it in. I invite you to take a new look!  Look deeper, listen more closely, to its invitation to see a truer reality you have missed before!  Come and discover the secret pathway to the life you’ve always wanted.   I dare you to embrace desire and allow it to awaken a new awareness of your true self!

Blessings!

Note: I would love to hear from you! Please comment with any questions or thoughts. Here are a few questions to help you get started.

• How have you treated desire in the past?

• What has been your experience/story with desire?

• How has taking a closer look at what desire is and its intended role changed your perspective?

• What changes do you need to make in your relationship with desire?

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